tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3988038742290211174.post3735022001401073763..comments2023-09-25T03:38:27.728-05:00Comments on The Gardners Must Be Crazy: What's working and what ain'tChris and Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09551833205708374072noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3988038742290211174.post-41072698845124055942009-02-04T16:38:00.000-06:002009-02-04T16:38:00.000-06:00Hi there,I've been lurking for a few weeks now, an...Hi there,<BR/>I've been lurking for a few weeks now, and I enjoy your blog so much, because it is so similar to my own life. My husband and I adopted a brother and sister, ages 9 and 8 from Brazil. We've been home since May 2008, and we live in the very city that makes you tired and cranky. I could go on and on about all the things I've read on your blog that are so much like what we've experienced (and here I thought we were special!)but to answer your question in this post-yes, we have martyr wannabe's. Here's an example from this week. My husband was trying to get some input from our daughter about a problem with homework- Dad: What would you do if you had a son and daughter that needed help with their homework but didn't bring it home from school? What would you do to help them remember? Daughter: Umm...Kill them?<BR/><BR/>In lots of little ways, we've noticed that although our kids are pretty well behaved, attaching nicely and are all-round great, they do have a seemingly bottomless well of hurt. Looks like it's going to be a long road we're all on.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for sharing your blog--It's good to know we're not alone.<BR/>JoyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3988038742290211174.post-48684587329962624972009-02-03T07:33:00.000-06:002009-02-03T07:33:00.000-06:00Lainey has always had trouble with bedtime. I was...Lainey has always had trouble with bedtime. I was discussing it with a friend who said "you need to quit the dog and pony show every night". What?! Me?!! It wasn't until I told her out loud everything we were doing to try to calm Lainey down and get her into bed that I realized we kinda changed the scene every night, so she was waiting to see what the next night would bring. So, we've really reduced what we do at bedtime. I tell her, 10 minutes till bed, brush your teeth, one book, goodnight...the day is done see you in the morning. It's helped a lot.<BR/><BR/>Also, we've found she really has to have a schedule. If she doesn't get a 'rest' in the afternoon (sometimes she naps, sometimes just quiet time in her room) then she goes to bed an hour early. I am very consistent about 8pm bedtime (7pm with no nap).<BR/><BR/>If she is overtired and goes to bed late she doesn't sleep deeper, she has a worse night. Bad dreams, crying...etc.<BR/><BR/>Also, sometimes it's just that she needs to use the bathroom and doesn't want to get out of bed. So, she says she is scared so we will come help her. Lately when she calls us we say, use the bathroom and go back to bed. I don't even get up anymore...and she goes right back to sleep after the bathroom. Of course, that's easier for us because our room is right next door.<BR/><BR/>We've also found a nightlight she can control works well. She has a dimmer switch on a thing by the bed, so she can turn it on or off. Let me know if you want me to have Ed get you one.<BR/><BR/>I'm still not sleeping thru the night (and she's 6!)...but it's gotten much better.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3988038742290211174.post-39535967641234358442009-02-03T00:04:00.000-06:002009-02-03T00:04:00.000-06:00Our oldest adopted daughter (she is ten and has be...Our oldest adopted daughter (she is ten and has been with us almost a year) will ask a question like, "Can I sit by you?" and will immediately answer, "No." for us before we can even speak. It drives me up a wall! She is constantly assuming that the answer will be negative when that has not been her experience with us at all. Of course, we don't say yes to everything, but we sure do when we can - especially when it has to do with something that would show her we love, value, and care about her.<BR/><BR/>I am sure that it has something to do with her background and a feeling of inadequacy. <BR/><BR/>The other side to her issues is that she always has to WIN. In fact, if she can figure out a way she will cheat or do whatever she can to set things up for herself to win. It is quite a talent. ha She has to get the most of whatever is being handed out - or at least will practically weigh it or count it with her mind to make sure it is equal. She needs to play the most cards in the game, she needs to win the game, she wants to pick things first. <BR/><BR/>I think these two issues really go together.<BR/><BR/>What we try to do when she automatically answers in the negative is we remind her that she did not let us respond and that she needs to let us have the chance. We tell her that she is only hurting herself when she assumes we will say no.<BR/><BR/>We do a lot of talking with her when we are playing games about being a good winner AND loser and that we need to think of how the Lord would want us to behave with our friends and family and that it doesn't really matter who wins as much as how we play and treat each other. She really does seem to be working on her attitude in this.<BR/><BR/>I have just finished reading a great discipline book called, "Don't Make Me Count to Three". I wrote a review about it on my blog. It has such a great way to look at discipline and is working well as we deal with the girls and their different issues. <BR/><BR/>It can be frustrating sometimes. I know! Like with your kids fear issues. It is so hard to know how to handle it - are they really scared? Are they trying to get attention? Our daughter all of a sudden started to express fear about "bad men" coming into our house. I couldn't figure out what the issue was. We would pray with her and talk about the fact that God was watching over us and that all of us, including the dog, were here to protect her. <BR/><BR/>The thing is, it came out a week later or so that there had been something scary that had happened to her and her sister. I think something must have reminded her of it and it might have been me without meaning to. It is hard to figure out how to deal with kids who have years of experiences that we had nothing to do with and don't know about. <BR/><BR/>I think our best course is to pray a lot and be in the Word so we can hear the Spirit's leading as we try the best we can. Nothing teaches you to lean on the Lord and be on your knees as much as being a parent!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com