Yeah, I'm a beast...

That spot on my back that can't be reached itched the other day, so instead of asking for someone with cold hands to scratch it I backed into a door frame and rubbed against it.
Habtamu walked by looking at me oddly.
"My back itches," I said, as if I needed to explain myself.
He smiled, "When did you become a buffalo, Dad?"

Not Me.

If he hadn't caught me so offguard, I would have asked him where he learned that. I still don't know.

Great vocabulary, no plot.

In the Gardner household, there is often reading material sitting in the bathroom. These days a 900 page Michener novel mysteriously appeared across from the toilet and hasn't moved in a while. Yoyo brought it to me in my bedroom figuring it would make a good conversation starter.

Yo: Dad, this book is 800 pages.
Me: Yep.
Yo: It's huge.
Me: Yep.
Yo: I can't believe mom can read a book this big. Can you believe it?
Me: Nope.
Yo: Well actually... *flip-flip-flip* it's 879 pages.
Sensing a teachable moment and a real-life opportunity to use those estimation skills she's been honing in math I say: So 879 pages is almost...
Yo: ...a dictionary. I'll put it back in the bathroom now.

Third Degree from Little Mamma

So Saturday morning Yordanos is in my grill sometime before 8am while I'm still in bed.

Yo: Good morning Dad.
Me: What? UGH. Morning. Zzzzz
Yo: Were you with Marty last night?
Me: Yes.
Yo: Did you play guitar?
Me: Yes.
Yo: How late were you out?
Me: What?
Yo: How. Late. Were. You. Out?
Me: Uuuuugh... Umm... after midnight.
Yo: That's late.
Me: Yes.
Yo: Did you go to one of those bar places?
Me: Yes.
Yo: Was it big?
Me: No. It was small.
Yo: Did you have adult drinks?
Me: Yes.
Yo: Did you hokey pokey?
Me: What?
Yo: Did you hokey pokey?
Me: What?
Yo: Did. You. Ho. Key. Po. Key?
Me: WHAT? No. No, I did not hokey pokey.
Yo: Then why were you out so late at a bar?
Me: Wait a minute... do you mean karaoke?
Yo: Yeah. Hokey Pokey, karaoke, whatever. You should have come home sooner.

Math and Me: A Love Story without the Love

When I was in 1st grade and saw a minus sign for the first time, I immediately changed it to a plus sign, because, REALLY, I already knew math.  Some kid in my class "told" on me, and I blushed so hard when I realized this was "new" (ie: other than addition) math, that the shameful feelings continued on through the rest of school. 

 My "It's time for math" face.

 Math and I were never close from that day forward.  I think maybe I blamed math on making me feel stupid... which it continued to do over the years simply because I could never see the point to it.

My father-in-law (math teacher) and husband (physics major) would say you learn it so you can do even MORE math.  Or Physics!  Whoopee!

Fast forward 20 years... I picked up an algebra book at our local library book sale.  Why?  I don't know, other than I was looking for a challenge, and dog-gone if I didn't work myself through the whole book.  I made sense now... maybe it needed 20 years to percolate, maybe the shame I had felt about it was gone, and being relaxed about it, and not being graded for it... maybe all those things led to the perfect storm for me.

Fast forward another 3 years, and I find myself teaching math to my children.  (And reading, but that's a different story.) For some reason, Perimeter and Area are the bane of my children's existence.  If someone can teach it to them in a way they can remember it for more than 3 seconds, I won't even be jealous.  Even Grandpa tried to teach them.  He walked away thinking he'd got it in their heads... not so, not so.  I've had them on their hands and knees measuring carpets, up on the table measuring the table top, and measuring the windows for curtains.  I've drawn examples on graph paper about 50,000,000 times. (See how comfortable I am with math now?)

The impetus for this post was the argument I had TWICE today with Habtamu about Area. I admit that I get hot under the collar when I am unable to explain something that is so clear to me to someone who SEEMS to be not understanding ON PURPOSE.  Yeah, I know it's not on purpose, but A=b x h is really about as straight forward as you can get.  A kinder, gentler math, if you will.  Habtamu's math teacher told me today that soon they will be dealing with 3 dimensions instead of 2. Oy.

All that is to say is that 'Ignorance IS Bliss' because if I were still ignorant of the ways of math, I could shrug and say "Huh.  I dunno.  Ask your father."   Just like I do with Science...

(Liberal) Arts Education

So the other day, I'm in the car with Yordanos and "Don't bring me down" by ELO comes on the radio. After a lengthy discussion about how a "snake in the grass" is an idiom and not to be taken literally, the song ends and the DJ says, "That song came out in 1979!"
So of course I mumble something about how I was 7 years old at the time. Yo looks at me and says, "It's hard to believe you were ever a kid," to which I respond, "Yeah, sometimes I can hardly remember it myself."

Half a mile later I look over at her and say, "You do know that I did used to be a kid. You've seen pictures, right?" She looks back and says, "Yes dad. You looked like the party rockin' guy."

Now, for those of you who aren't familiar with the Party Rockin Anthem by LMFAO, being compared to that is kind of a compliment wrapped in an insult and then smothered in another compliment. It's flattering because who wouldn't want to be the Party Rockin' Guy, right? If you haven't seen the video, it's amusing. Youtube it. Only seen through the blissfully naive eyes of an adoring daughter could I ever be construed as the Party Rockin' Guy, especially back in the 80's. Of those three words, 'guy' is probably the only one that might have been used to describe me. And since I was in middle school, even that is iffy.

So the bad news is that the party rockin' guy looks like this:Aaaand the good news is that this look is somehow cool again. So it is sort of a twisted compliment.

For the record, this is me in '85

And this is Katy Perry NOW trying to be as awesome as I was 25 years ago.

Here's a pro tip from someone who was there, Katy... kids with braces didn't smile openly in pictures. Ever. See my picture above. That's me with braces, I think. We went years without showing our teeth. Headgear or otherwise, you kept your lips clamped shut. And if your lenses weren't thick enough to warp the size of your face by about a factor of 6, then clearly your vision is fine and you would have squinted through high school with the rest of the jocks.

So after doing the mental loop-the-loop about my daughter's not-so-backhanded compliment, I looked over and said, "You know... looking like that wasn't 'cool' back then."

"Really? Huh." she replied genuinely.

Being cool before its cool isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.

Arts Education

So when you talk to my daughter and find that she prefers Freddie Mercury to Ke$ha, you'll know why.

It's no accident.

Cool Dad Raising Daughter On Media That Will Put Her Entirely Out Of Touch With Her Generation (CLICK HERE)

Equal Face Time

Looking through the recent posts... realized they've been all texty or Yo-centric.  So, let's talk about the boy.  Er... man?   Young man-person.  Habtamu got back from his week away and is a) taller, b) taller, c) taller, and d) more confident/mature/man-ish.  I'm so confused.

I mean really.  It's only been 3 years.

How does that happen?  Shaking head in wonder.

Anyway, I'm so proud of him.  He is working very hard in school, and becoming a person of character.  (Also, he's quite a character.)

I'm more than a little disconcerted to have to look up to talk to him.

Wait! What time is it ?!?!?!

I usually go to meet Yordanos part way home after school each day.  I carry her bag and lunch box and we talk about her day.  A friend of hers had just called the house, so I told Yo about it.  We got home and the phone rang, and...

Yordanos picked up the phone, and without breaking stride, took the phone into a different room and closed the door. 

And I stood in the hall, mouth open in astonishment.  And wonder.  And fear.  And deja vu.  And I continued to stand there, looking foolish, just not believing that it's here already... that thing we girls do (or did, anyway).

The conversation sounded like this, "Hee hee hee.  Yes.  No WAY!  Ok."  And ended with, "Hey Mom, can I go to a dance?" 

Lord.  Have.  Mercy.

Don't get any ideas, princess...

We went to a wedding as a family this past weekend and that may have been an expensive decision on our part.  Judging by this picture, I believe someone's expectations are soaring. 
No, we didn't get to ride in it, which was good because I don't think we would have gotten her out.

Flown the coop

This morning we all got up and out at 6am to see Habtamu off for Outdoor Ed. He'll be gone for a week in Missouri with the rest of his 8th grade class, which will mark the longest period the children have been separated since we've known them. Yo says longest time ever because, "they never took trips in Africa." Chris and I both got hand shakes before he got in the van. Apparently, the seasoned parents who got hugs from their children told us the trick is to threaten them beforehand that you will find ways to be far more embarrassing if you don't get a hug. Now we know. It'll be interesting to see if we're met with open arms when he comes home.
I suspect H will be just fine although I don't expect we won't hear much, if anything, from him until they get back. I think the only thing that would "send him over" would be being alone, and I doubt that's going to be an issue with a cabin full of boys and solid adult supervision.

Yordanos has been prancing around and singing all day. She's enjoying the attention of being the only child, though when asked directly, she says she misses her brother already. We'll see how long she appreciates being the center of attention. Knowing her though, she'll eat it up all week.