Trouble

I know that everyone thinks their kids are the best looking, smartest, etc, etc...

But, c'mon... this girl is going to be T.R.O.U.B.L.E. We'll be training Habtamu in all the martial arts and sending him along on dates with Yordi. Oh, wait... NO DATES... until she's 25.
























And, apparently, she's going to be a plumber. :)

Baking Cookies

We made yummy ginger cookies for Grandma. They're her favorites...

Downside to Cooking

I don't mind cooking, but I DO mind this:

Sugar Lumps

Since we are eating more healthily now that we have children, sugary things are scarce in our house. That's ok for the KIDS, and all, but I have NEEDS. :)

Did your mom let you eat the "sugar lumps" from the brown sugar? My mom did, but I don't think she let me eat one this big.

Don't think I didn't consider eating the whole thing....

Genuine Fear and False Guilt

Based on my children's past experience, I have tried to keep myself very healthy, so that they'd have no cause for alarm. Even when I was sick, I did tried not to make a big deal of it. Not that I was trying to keep the truth from them, but I didn't want to give them something real to worry about... ie: parents get sick, and then they die. I'm afraid that's all too common in Ethiopia, and other countries, where entire generations are being wiped out.

Lee stayed home from work on Friday, and was very sick with a head cold. When the kids got up, I told them that Daddy was home and that he was probably going to sleep for a long time. Yordanos said "Daddy sick, again, again, again? No work today, again, again, again? No food, then Yordanos and Habtamu..." then she made the "dead" face (head and arms back, tongue hanging out.)

I made sure to reassure them both many times that day that Daddy just had a cold, and would be ok in a couple of days. And that No, he won't be going to work tomorrow or Sunday or Monday (holiday), but that Tuesday he would go back. Yordanos then said "Tuesday work? Then no more work? Then Y & H (dead face)?" It breaks my heart that they have to worry about that... and that there are MILLIONS of children that don't have the chance that Y&H have now.

How do you all reassure your children in difficult times, or when times are uncertain? I won't lie to them, but I don't want to burden them with adult worries or cares.

[When we were at the Hilton in Addis Ababa, we had a HUGE language barrier, obviously, and one of the maids was helping us interpret. She was very kind, but when Yordanos told her that she was afraid to fly, the maid told her "Oh, you don't have to fly, you'll get into a big car, and I'll meet you there, and you'll get lots of candy." Um. Not helping. So we had to do damage control with someone else.]

Today, one of the windows in my car broke. Yordanos happened to be the one pushing the button at the time. She felt terrible and cried and would not be comforted. We kept trying to explain that it was not her fault, that we were not mad at her, that the car is old, and it could have happened to anyone. She calmed down after a bit and I told her again that (see above)...

How do you all get your children to not take on guilt that is not their own? (I had a huge problem with this until I was in my late 20s... I'd like to help them not have that burden.)

Naked Time!

The other day, I told the kids "showers in the morning!" Of course I got the standard, "No." Of course I ignored this, since that is their response to everything I say. And, to their credit, they say "no," but actually do what I ask anyway.

Anyhow, Habtamu got up the next morning and showered right away. Yordi came downstairs, naked, of course, ready to bathe in my bathtub. She looked tired still. Lee had already gone to work and I was out of bed, so I asked her if she wanted to sleep in our bed for a little bit.

All this is to set the stage for what I walked in on later. Yordi had gotten up and was attempting to make our bed... still naked... and there was a white paw on a black cat arm taking swipes at her ankles when she got close to the bed. And she'd keep trying to make the bed and that cat would keep swiping.

Dana Carvey had a great skit about his kids and "Naked Time." Here it is for your enjoyment.

Scaried Update

We had a great night of sleeping last night. No wake ups, and the kids slept until 8.

Lee wants you all to know, for the record, that Yordanos did not take the Benadryl the other night.

Here's what we did leading up to last night. We talked about it several times during the day... about how we all need sleep, and what can we do to help you not be afraid? She said that having Habtamu use a lighter colored pillow case would help. No problem. Did that. Prayed together about peace and no bad dreams.

At one point after they were in bed, I knocked over a small table and it made a loud crash. I went to the bottom of the stairs and said in a normal speaking voice. "I'm sorry. That was me." Habtamu asked "Not a cat?" "Nope, I knocked a little table over." "Oh, ok."

Thanks to you all for you input. I know that sleeping issues can be tricky to decipher in an adopting situation. We haven't gotten the impression that her being scared is about adoption. (Of course, on some level it could be.) It seems to us like regular kid stuff and that we'd gotten into a pattern of her calling and us giving her a payoff. Both kids have often tried to prolong the bedtime ritual, etc... all the regular kid shenanigans. Not that we shouldn't show them we're there for them IF they really need us. Gah... it's so hard to know what to do.

Scaried Part 2

Weeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllll... we've had some sleepless nights here at Chez Gardner. Little Miss Scared-y McScarderson has been hard at work being "scaried."

Let's see, we're scared of

Tigers (Lions are ok)
Raccoons
Snakes
Mice
and last night, paraphrased by me: "I couldn't see Habtamu's head on that dark pillowcase."

At some point, you start to feel scammed, you know?

She cried and cried from 10:30 - 12. Lee kept going up there, and wouldn't let me go. Let's just say, by that point, I would have been less than kind. (My plan was to make her stand in the middle of her room with all the lights on until she was ready to go to bed and GO TO SLEEP.)

I finally sent him up there with Benadryl (Judge not lest ye be judged) and they both slept until 8:15.

I talked to her about it this morning... found out the "reason" she was scared. Had trouble not laughing... I mean c'mon! You couldn't see his head on the pillowcase?!?! I asked her why she had her eyes open, then she wouldn't have to worry about it. I told her that we can't have another night like last night OR like the night before (she was up at 4:40 waking H up and bugging him to call me.)

Any suggestions for children scared at night? Last week, we talked about how she could pray to Jesus and hug her stuffed animal, and that worked for a couple of nights. Last night the "Please Jesus! Please Jesus!" she was sobbing was not really calming her down.

I'm pretty tired today... would like to sleep through the night tonight... please help. :)

To be loved by a child

Last week, Yordanos sauntered up to me while I was in the kitchen. She threw her arms around my waist, looked up at me and said "I love you, Mom." My heart grew 10 sizes as I hugged her back and said "I love you, too!"

That was the 1st time she said that to me. She'd said it back to me a couple of times, but never initiated it. (Habtamu has been saying it for several weeks, so it's a big coup for Yordi to say it.)

I think she and I have turned a good corner. I get fewer cold shoulders in church, and she's very lovey with me (for now... I know Lee's turn is coming!) I always get bedtime hugs and kisses now.

It's good to be loved by a child. I never really knew that before.

Table Manners... or "Miss Manners would never approve"

I've been meaning to write about this for awhile... you see, Lee and I are brand, spanking new parents... we have very little prior experience with teaching younger people manners or etiquette or cleanliness or... or... or... plus I forget things now.

1. I never thought it was a big deal that our kids eat with their hands all the time. It makes sense that they would, since they ate that way in Ethiopia. I heard another parent say something about THEIR kids enjoying Ethiopian food because they could eat with their hands for once. "Oopsie," I thought, "should I be doing something to make them eat with utensils?" I decided (and Lee agrees by default, because he has never said anything about it) that I DON'T CARE if they eat with their hands. They eat with utensils when the need arises... soup... spaghetti... meat to be cut.

2. We made a conscious effort NOT to nit pick at the children about spilling food on themselves. OK, I guess we were too tired at first to nit pick, because "please, just eat SOMETHING!" They have learned in the last 3 months, all by themselves, that they should eat OVER their plates, that spilling water is NO BIG DEAL (except to Lee), and that fooling around with food will almost ALWAYS result in tragedy for your favorite white shirt. Yordanos, however, is unfazed by stained clothing. She has a favorite shirt that has chocolate ice cream stains on the SHOULDER. That was from the day that she got that same ice cream in one of her hair puffs. Good times... :)

3. I have only recently begun insisting that the children wash their hands before meals. I know, I know... but they have not been sick yet, so you be the judge. I finally got tired of the sticky hands when we prayed.