Scaried Part 2

Weeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllll... we've had some sleepless nights here at Chez Gardner. Little Miss Scared-y McScarderson has been hard at work being "scaried."

Let's see, we're scared of

Tigers (Lions are ok)
and last night, paraphrased by me: "I couldn't see Habtamu's head on that dark pillowcase."

At some point, you start to feel scammed, you know?

She cried and cried from 10:30 - 12. Lee kept going up there, and wouldn't let me go. Let's just say, by that point, I would have been less than kind. (My plan was to make her stand in the middle of her room with all the lights on until she was ready to go to bed and GO TO SLEEP.)

I finally sent him up there with Benadryl (Judge not lest ye be judged) and they both slept until 8:15.

I talked to her about it this morning... found out the "reason" she was scared. Had trouble not laughing... I mean c'mon! You couldn't see his head on the pillowcase?!?! I asked her why she had her eyes open, then she wouldn't have to worry about it. I told her that we can't have another night like last night OR like the night before (she was up at 4:40 waking H up and bugging him to call me.)

Any suggestions for children scared at night? Last week, we talked about how she could pray to Jesus and hug her stuffed animal, and that worked for a couple of nights. Last night the "Please Jesus! Please Jesus!" she was sobbing was not really calming her down.

I'm pretty tired today... would like to sleep through the night tonight... please help. :)


ABG said...

Chris, wow do I empathize. It's really, really difficult doing this as an adoptive parent because you don't know what's actually about attachment and what's just kids being kids.

We went through a phase like this about three weeks ago with Josh. If we even read a BOOK about going to sleep, he just pitched a fit.

I think you have to do the best you can and remind yourself that this, too will pass. From the sounds of it, I would err on the side of comforting, esp. b/c of where they are in their acclimation to the culture...BUT ONLY YOU know what is best and you've got to be free to trust your gut and love the socks of those kids the best way you know how to. You're the mom.

jur sherrill said...

I remember as a child crying "COVER ME UP" as loudly as I could. Yes, my covers were off, but sometimes it was code for "I had a bad dream" as in the time that I dreamed there was a burglar in the kitchen eating Daddy's Wheaties. So my thought was (and yes, in the dark in my panic I thought this out): If I yell, Mommy, Daddy, there's a burglar, he'd be onto me and come hurt me. But if I called Mom or Dad to come take care of ME, then they would see the burglar and deal with him, and the burglar would never be any the wiser that it was *I* who alerted the parents.
Which is a long way of saying, sometimes it is just scary to be awake at night. I tend to agree with abg in erring on the side of comfort... AND let Lee go take care of it.

Dustin, Nikki, Madison and Sage said...

Another mom shared Psalm 56:3 with us when our kids were little. There is something sweet about the wording in the NKJ version, "At what time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee." My kids would say it over and over and seemed to help them drift to sleep. I won't make a huge assumption that it is a cure-all, but thought I would pass it along to you as well!

Anonymous said...

Did you think of the possibility of this being an issue of a child who is dealing with a major disruption in her life, not to mention issues w/ a less than "normal" childhood prior to your meeting her. My son had insomnia and nightmare issues for almost 2 years after he came home from Kazakhstan. It is extremely trying when you dont get your sleep and still have to continue w/ your regular activities, but this truly could be a bonding and adjustment issue that she has to work through it w/ you!

Molly said...

Umm... wish I had some good advice for you!! I was trying to remember what my parents would do when I was scared at night. I also had major troubles sleeping due to fear of burglars (we had a false alarm one time- had the police at the house and everything. It was pretty traumatic!!). Anyway, I'll definitely be praying for sweet sleep!! Update us when you figure out a solution!! I'm taking notes for my future children!! Just kidding lol! :)

The McEvil One said...

Now see, this is what I am NOT looking forward to...

Anonymous said...

I found your blog from yellow,black and white. Theresa is a friend.

We have adopted siblings from India, two girls who are six and ten. We brought them home not quite eight months ago. Every time we met with the social worker for post placements she asked about sleep issues. We really didn't have any to report - our issues were elsewhere! However, just to make you feel better we were told that sleep issues and fear/dreams at night are VERY common in these situations.

Now, about dealing with the issues. When tears are invovled I figure there is a lot of emotion and no matter what is causing it, they need comfort and security. It is hard to know what is best to do - especially when it involves a behavior you have made clear is not acceptable. Our older girl recently started waking me up telling me that she had a bad dream and was afraid. She didn't seem upset at all, but I returned with her to their room and prayed with her, tucked her in, kissed her and went back to bed. It became a habit for quite a few nights in a row and on the fourth night when she came in for a second time, I just told her that she needed to learn to take care of getting herself back to sleep on her own. I explained that if she was really afraid, she could always come and get me, but she should try to pray for herself and remember that Jesus is always with her watching over her.

The interesting thing is that our talks about these times actually led to lots of questions on her part about Jesus and a deeper interest. Our girls come from a Hindu background so this is big!

Parenting is so much about intuition. You know your child better than anyone so trust your gut. My theory has always been that you cannot spoil a child by showing them love. However, it is hard to be loving when you are sleep deprived!:-)

I have enjoyed finding and reading your blog just recently. You have a cute way of telling your family stories. Have a great time with your beautiful children.


Anonymous said...

Keep in mind that had you adopted babies you would be having sleepless nights anyway. Make sure you treat them with patience and love and they will work through it. Love, kindness and ask forgiveness from Jesus when you have to break out the Benedryl...yes I have used it on occasion to get some sleep too. Seems they have sleeplessness when they grow...something to remember.

Katherine said...

Just so you know, Noe is petrified of spiders (bugs in general-unlike her little sister who thinks bugs are teeny toys). She won't go into a room that might have once, allegedly, someone said so, I think I saw it, had a spider in it. She'll stand there and scream and scream and get hysterical. We even had a moment as we were leaving for the park-"I think I saw a spider on my seat belt!!!" I basically had to throw her in the back of the van (there was no spider) and order her to buckle up! So, Yordi is in no way abnormal! Her choice of 'scardies' are kind of amusing, though, to an outsider who doesn't have to wake up in the middle of the night with her! I'm glad you got a good night's sleep the other night! I hope it keeps up!