Shows excitement, or emotion... what is it with Schoolhouse Rock?
Anyhoo.... OUCH! is my interjection. Those shots hurt.
5.09.2008
Staggering
Yes, the numbers are staggering. Adopting two children out of this environment is not even a blip in the percentages. It will take all of us to make lifesaving drugs available to the parents of these children, and for the children themselves. If ever a phrase like "if we can put a man on the moon, certainly we can (blank)" is appropriate, it is now.
There are many agencies at work making ARVs available for adults and children with HIV/AIDS. We sponsor a child through this one.
Also, be sure to read There is no me without you. I'm making it your assignment for the next couple of weeks. Ok, not really, but kind of, yeah really. As soon as I get mine back from my MIL, I'm happy to loan it out.
There are many agencies at work making ARVs available for adults and children with HIV/AIDS. We sponsor a child through this one.
Also, be sure to read There is no me without you. I'm making it your assignment for the next couple of weeks. Ok, not really, but kind of, yeah really. As soon as I get mine back from my MIL, I'm happy to loan it out.
5.08.2008
Updates!!
Our Daughter:
…as sweet as she is, she can sure go off on her brother! He will do something to bother her, and she will start speaking to him really high pitched, loud, and fast. It’s quite funny. For Easter, we took the children out for ice cream…Y., being such a little lady, eats her ice cream out of the cone with a spoon, and very slowly. Recently Y. said that she missed her parents…and she meant her parents in
Today we cut out the photocopies of the dossier pictures. Y. and H. have them hanging beside their beds. As soon as Y. saw her mommy and daddy, she kissed the picture!
Our Son:
H. is such a little gentleman! He is always sweet and polite. He has a smile that is totally charming! For Easter on 4/27 we went to Nurse Fortuna’s house for dinner. H. ate 3 huge plates of food!!! Later on everyone was laughing about how much his stomach was sticking out. I think we can assume he is a big eater!
5.02.2008
6 years to 6 weeks
A little explanation about the last post (of which Chris has updated since I started writing...)
There are 2 important court dates for us in Ethiopia. The first one, since we've signed over our power of attorney (in Ethiopia) we don't have to be present, but that's the one where the court decides if our paperwork is in order and we are suitable parents. I have to admit, it's nice that they figure that out before we fly out. The second court date is the one where the official adoption takes place, and we have to be present for it.
The first one, as Chris so eloquently stated, is May 21st. On the 'Gardner timeline' this doesn't mean much. Paperwork gets stamped, been there, done that. But in reality, it means that the second court date will be scheduled 2-3 weeks after the first.
Let me do the math on that one...
So our conservative estimate of "Sometime this summer" became "6 weeks" in the course of an single email, which incidentally was not from our Adoption Agency. The Agency called and left a voicemail, but we didn't check the messages until after we got an email from another adopting parent with the same court date. It was kind of like getting a phone call from someone claiming to be your new roommate when you didn't know you were accepted into the college yet. It's not that we aren't ecstatic, just no time to process.
Six weeks.
Six weeks!
And just for the record, If Chris and I act dazed, confused, or just generally burnt out, it's probably because we are. We have lists that don't end and about 45 things sitting in the #1 slot. I know not everything will be wrapped up beforehand, but I feel like if it doesn't get done now, it's going to have to wait another 15 years. We need new doors, we need to get that tuck-pointing done on the chimney, we need to drywall the closets... Need. Need. Need.
And yet when people ask us what they can do for us, our answer has been either, "Nothing yet" or "We don't know." And it's true. At that moment, I can't think of a single thing that needs to be done. I either blank completely or my inner-voice reminds me that, "You could remove the asbestos insulation in our basement" isn't an appropriate response.
I also feel like I haven't been appropriately reciprocating the enthusiasm of our friends, but it's nothing personal. You're excited, I'm excited, but for those of you who are married folk and had to stand through a long receiving line at your wedding, you know you just reach a point where it's hard to smile and it's time to get on with the party. I really am excited, but my face doesn't always reflect it.
The other night, before getting the May21st email, I had kind of an epiphany.
I was ready.
I don't think I've told myself that in the last 6 years. I just wanted my kids. I wanted the travel part to be over and to be back home. I was ready for the planning and the preparation and the paperwork part of the whole ordeal (I mean process) to be over, and I was ready for the next adventure. I was ready to spend my evenings after work with my kids. I was ready for games and lessons and skinned knees and tantrums and hugs. I've gotten really good at waiting, but it was time for something different. I was ready and what I really needed, wasn't going to be solved with a trip to Home Depot... it was my kids.
We talk a lot about adoption happening "in God's time." If you're a cynic, that's how us religious types console ourselves while we wait for some injustice to pass. If you're God fearing, you are generally advised to use "the time you are given" to learn something. This will, more often than not, be in the life-lesson/character building department and generally painful, but ultimately totally necessary and life changing.
Maybe patience wasn't the lesson. Maybe it just took me 6 years to really be ready for children.
-Lee
There are 2 important court dates for us in Ethiopia. The first one, since we've signed over our power of attorney (in Ethiopia) we don't have to be present, but that's the one where the court decides if our paperwork is in order and we are suitable parents. I have to admit, it's nice that they figure that out before we fly out. The second court date is the one where the official adoption takes place, and we have to be present for it.
The first one, as Chris so eloquently stated, is May 21st. On the 'Gardner timeline' this doesn't mean much. Paperwork gets stamped, been there, done that. But in reality, it means that the second court date will be scheduled 2-3 weeks after the first.
Let me do the math on that one...
So our conservative estimate of "Sometime this summer" became "6 weeks" in the course of an single email, which incidentally was not from our Adoption Agency. The Agency called and left a voicemail, but we didn't check the messages until after we got an email from another adopting parent with the same court date. It was kind of like getting a phone call from someone claiming to be your new roommate when you didn't know you were accepted into the college yet. It's not that we aren't ecstatic, just no time to process.
Six weeks.
Six weeks!
And just for the record, If Chris and I act dazed, confused, or just generally burnt out, it's probably because we are. We have lists that don't end and about 45 things sitting in the #1 slot. I know not everything will be wrapped up beforehand, but I feel like if it doesn't get done now, it's going to have to wait another 15 years. We need new doors, we need to get that tuck-pointing done on the chimney, we need to drywall the closets... Need. Need. Need.
And yet when people ask us what they can do for us, our answer has been either, "Nothing yet" or "We don't know." And it's true. At that moment, I can't think of a single thing that needs to be done. I either blank completely or my inner-voice reminds me that, "You could remove the asbestos insulation in our basement" isn't an appropriate response.
I also feel like I haven't been appropriately reciprocating the enthusiasm of our friends, but it's nothing personal. You're excited, I'm excited, but for those of you who are married folk and had to stand through a long receiving line at your wedding, you know you just reach a point where it's hard to smile and it's time to get on with the party. I really am excited, but my face doesn't always reflect it.
The other night, before getting the May21st email, I had kind of an epiphany.
I was ready.
I don't think I've told myself that in the last 6 years. I just wanted my kids. I wanted the travel part to be over and to be back home. I was ready for the planning and the preparation and the paperwork part of the whole ordeal (I mean process) to be over, and I was ready for the next adventure. I was ready to spend my evenings after work with my kids. I was ready for games and lessons and skinned knees and tantrums and hugs. I've gotten really good at waiting, but it was time for something different. I was ready and what I really needed, wasn't going to be solved with a trip to Home Depot... it was my kids.
We talk a lot about adoption happening "in God's time." If you're a cynic, that's how us religious types console ourselves while we wait for some injustice to pass. If you're God fearing, you are generally advised to use "the time you are given" to learn something. This will, more often than not, be in the life-lesson/character building department and generally painful, but ultimately totally necessary and life changing.
Maybe patience wasn't the lesson. Maybe it just took me 6 years to really be ready for children.
-Lee
Whew!
Ok, I can think a LITTLE more clearly now. We are, of course, thrilled to have a court date. But, YIKES... that means travel in 6 weeks or less.
I have been on a container mission. Plastic containers for everybody! Our awesome handyman, Rick, is speaking to us again (after the 11 hours faux tin ceiling incident.... oopsie... who knew it would take that long?) and is drywalling a couple of closets for us. We've got bags and bags (and bags!) of stuff for the Salvation Army or a garage sale, but let's get real, people, like I'm going to be able to pull off a garage sale before we leave. Mostly, I just want that stuff OUT of the house.
We have scheduled a consultation for our shots. Lots of calls back and forth with Lee's folks, who are traveling with us, about which vaccinations we NEED and which we DON'T. We're probably not getting the yellow fever shot, or taking malaria meds. CDC says that's ok if we don't leave Addis Ababa. There are about 5-6 others that we will get. Including polio.... there are recent outbreaks in that area, which blew my mind.
Oh, also... BOOK REVIEW... There is no me without you. Get it, read it. Mama G. (Grandma G!), I'm bringing my copy to you after work today. I'm still processing it all... the numbers are staggering. I don't think we're made to understand human suffering on that scale.
Now I'm reading I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World. Seems interesting... I'm only a little ways in... the author is talking about how pre-schoolers view race (they don't), and what can be done to instill a healthy self image.
I have been on a container mission. Plastic containers for everybody! Our awesome handyman, Rick, is speaking to us again (after the 11 hours faux tin ceiling incident.... oopsie... who knew it would take that long?) and is drywalling a couple of closets for us. We've got bags and bags (and bags!) of stuff for the Salvation Army or a garage sale, but let's get real, people, like I'm going to be able to pull off a garage sale before we leave. Mostly, I just want that stuff OUT of the house.
We have scheduled a consultation for our shots. Lots of calls back and forth with Lee's folks, who are traveling with us, about which vaccinations we NEED and which we DON'T. We're probably not getting the yellow fever shot, or taking malaria meds. CDC says that's ok if we don't leave Addis Ababa. There are about 5-6 others that we will get. Including polio.... there are recent outbreaks in that area, which blew my mind.
Oh, also... BOOK REVIEW... There is no me without you. Get it, read it. Mama G. (Grandma G!), I'm bringing my copy to you after work today. I'm still processing it all... the numbers are staggering. I don't think we're made to understand human suffering on that scale.
Now I'm reading I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World. Seems interesting... I'm only a little ways in... the author is talking about how pre-schoolers view race (they don't), and what can be done to instill a healthy self image.
4.30.2008
Time has lost all meaning...
We have a court date! May 21.
I would say more, but I cannot think of a single thing right now except....
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, THAT'S IN 3 WEEKS............................................................................................................
Travel will happen 2-3 weeks after a successful court date.
I would say more, but AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, THAT'S IN 5-6 WEEKS...........................................................................................................
I would say more, but I cannot think of a single thing right now except....
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, THAT'S IN 3 WEEKS............................................................................................................
Travel will happen 2-3 weeks after a successful court date.
I would say more, but AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, THAT'S IN 5-6 WEEKS...........................................................................................................
4.27.2008
Normal and Natural
Nothing strikes dread into the adopter’s heart more than comments from the uninformed. Do we use it as a teaching moment? Do we ignore it and answer as if nothing happened?
I’ve received comments (even today) about “natural” or “normal” children: normal as in “not adopted”. I would hope no one would ever say to a child something about their joining our family by adoption is “not normal” or “not natural.” And, yet, saying these things in the positive immediately draws to mind the idea that “if I am not this, then I must be the opposite of it.” I throw the term “real parent” into this same mix.
I have to tell you, this dance of words takes PATIENCE, beyond anything we have previously encountered. It took all my power to hold my tongue. Lee asked if my eyes dilated like a cat about to pounce. (I think maybe they did.) I am sure no malicious was meant in this case, but that horrible word!
What is natural or normal anyway?
Jesus himself was adopted by Joseph. Jesus is listed in the genealogy of Joseph. Does that mean that the adoption made Jesus Joseph's TRUE SON, with all the rights and privileges, regardless of biology? Something to think about.
The Bible also says that True Religion is looking after widows and orphans. If that is our mandate from God, maybe that will turn our ideas about “normal/natural” on its head.
I guess I will continue to walk the line between educating, assuming no malicious intent, and ignoring bad behavior. And, I suspect, I will learn more about being humble, about being patient, about letting things go.
I realize that we are doing something extraordinary. Nothing like this has been done in our immediate circle before. I want to keep the communication open about adoption… I want people to understand.
4.17.2008
FAQ
We're getting lots of repeat questions. I'll try to address some of them here.
Do the children know English? No, but the woman who runs the Transition Center is from the U.S., so I'm not sure if they will pick any up from her.
Do the children attend school? The 9 year old has had 2 years of school and can read and write in Amharic. The 6 year old has had very little school. The TC (Transition Center) has just started having a teacher come to the children staying there.
What is the status of the children's biological parents? We are keeping this information within the immediate family to protect our children's privacy. It will be up to them to share this information later, if they wish.
Why is this taking so long? Ha ha. Yes. To us this is actually not a long time. Our paperwork landed in Ethiopia in December, and here we are with a referral in April. But, yes, overall, it has taken us 6 years to get this far. (We 1st applied to Ukraine, and as our paperwork was complete, the country closed their program. We took a year off to rethink things, then it took about a year to complete the Ethiopian paperwork. ) If you are considering adoption, do not be daunted by OUR time-line. Your time-line will be most likely be different.
What are the next steps? We are waiting for our I-171 to be updated to reflect the change in our children's ages (between what we said we wanted: ages 3-7, and their actual ages: 6, 9). After that, we'll get a court date in Ethiopia, where the lawyer with our power of attorney will go to court for us. Once we get official approval to adopt the children from the court, we'll start making travel arrangements, and should travel within 2-3 weeks after the court date.
How long do we have to stay in Ethiopia? One week. We'll have a court date there with the children. Then we will re-adopt them once we are in the U.S. (I'm not sure why, except maybe so they can get Social Security #s? We are pretty much just going to do as we're told!)
If you all have more questions, please write them in the comments section, and I will answer as I can.
Do the children know English? No, but the woman who runs the Transition Center is from the U.S., so I'm not sure if they will pick any up from her.
Do the children attend school? The 9 year old has had 2 years of school and can read and write in Amharic. The 6 year old has had very little school. The TC (Transition Center) has just started having a teacher come to the children staying there.
What is the status of the children's biological parents? We are keeping this information within the immediate family to protect our children's privacy. It will be up to them to share this information later, if they wish.
Why is this taking so long? Ha ha. Yes. To us this is actually not a long time. Our paperwork landed in Ethiopia in December, and here we are with a referral in April. But, yes, overall, it has taken us 6 years to get this far. (We 1st applied to Ukraine, and as our paperwork was complete, the country closed their program. We took a year off to rethink things, then it took about a year to complete the Ethiopian paperwork. ) If you are considering adoption, do not be daunted by OUR time-line. Your time-line will be most likely be different.
What are the next steps? We are waiting for our I-171 to be updated to reflect the change in our children's ages (between what we said we wanted: ages 3-7, and their actual ages: 6, 9). After that, we'll get a court date in Ethiopia, where the lawyer with our power of attorney will go to court for us. Once we get official approval to adopt the children from the court, we'll start making travel arrangements, and should travel within 2-3 weeks after the court date.
How long do we have to stay in Ethiopia? One week. We'll have a court date there with the children. Then we will re-adopt them once we are in the U.S. (I'm not sure why, except maybe so they can get Social Security #s? We are pretty much just going to do as we're told!)
If you all have more questions, please write them in the comments section, and I will answer as I can.
4.13.2008
See Lee's Post
See here for a great description of our emotional state... it's toward the bottom. Lee has a way with words! And sound effects.
Yikes!
We told church this morning about our children. Well, Lee did. I haven't had trouble telling anyone our news, but I was already on edge because of powerful music, so I started crying and couldn't speak, so Lee gave our news. There was applause, and not a dry eye in the place.
After the service, the hugging began. Then my friend Karen came up and said "The whole church wants to give you a shower/fund raiser." Just when I thought we couldn't be overwhelmed any further. We don't even know what to ask for yet.
After the service, the hugging began. Then my friend Karen came up and said "The whole church wants to give you a shower/fund raiser." Just when I thought we couldn't be overwhelmed any further. We don't even know what to ask for yet.
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