Halloween and Lessons Learned

We had some friends from church come by on Saturday to take pictures of us. They set up the backdrop, set up umbrella flash things, and got everything ready.

Habtamu went down in flames... started out sad and crying, moved to angry and crying, and when all was said and done, there was a hole in the wall of his bedroom. We were confused and scared and felt completely out of our league. H was finally able to tell us what happened. Turns out all the set up and equipment reminded him of the time his family in Ethiopia went to get their pictures taken. Oh. We have that picture... never even occurred that this could be an issue. We had him clean up the plaster (we have lathe and plaster walls) and he had to miss a costume party (I took Yordi, and we were both pretty sad the whole time) and he'll have to fix the wall with Daddy next week. We talked about good choices vs. bad choices, and how it's ok to be sad and angry, and it's ok to tell us before things escalate. He said he was scared to talk to us, which as a parent made me kinda angry inside... I mean haven't we ALWAYS been available and willing to talk about their Ethiopia family?! Haven't we ALWAYS comforted them when they miss Ethiopia and found ways to send pictures to their friends?! Then the adult part kicks in and thinks, well, how WOULD you know you can talk to me about anything... you've only known me 4 months!

By Sunday, things were back to normal - ish. H still felt bad about himself and was making up scenarios in which we would kick him out. "If I ____, then Habtamu no family." "If I ______, Habtamu outside, no house." Sigh. We reassured and reassured. I was nervous about Monday, and my nerves were stretched pretty thin that day, waiting for "something" to happen... alert to any sort of defiance or sadness, and trying not to walk on egg shells, but really - walking on egg shells... I HATE confrontation... I HATE chaos... I HATE not knowing what to do. (Ha ha. Welcome to parenthood!)

Our friends left their equipment set up and hooked my camera up to the flash umbrellas, so if things settled down, I could take pictures. Thank you so much, Curt and Becky! It's not you!
We were able to take pics on Sunday... old memories apparently processed for now... new memories made.

Of course we had to be goofy:


















And, of course, we looked to my senior portraits for inspiration:
























They wanted to wear the mittens, and what knitter could refuse them? I couldn't!

One Goes Up, One Goes Down

Habtamu is a-ok today. Yordanos is trying very hard to be angry all day. Her attempts are totally different from H's. She doesn't do anything naughty, doesn't test any limits, just glares and speaks sharply. There is little defiance... if I ask her to do something, I get a glare, a mutter, and she does it anyway. I have no problem not being angry with her. I find it hard not to laugh when I'm able to distract her, and she forgets that she's trying to be angry, then remembers. She didn't want me to look at her handwriting. I brought out the thermometer to check her temperature to make sure she wasn't sick. She was immediately engaged, and we spent a happy 20 minutes taking all our temps.

We've noticed this about Habtamu before: the worse Yordanos acts, the better Habtamu acts. He becomes the devoted and helpful and loving son... the golden child. This helps Yordanos sink lower into the "Garbage" cycle. "Yordanos Garbage." "Yordanos Garbage for dinner." etc, etc, ad nauseum.

Represent

Finally figured out how to get a screen shot of this and post it. Don't ask... this laptop doesn't have a bunch of editing things I'm used to working with and I banged my head against the wall for an hour the LAST time I tried this.

Anyhoo, here is what I see from statcounter... this shows the location of everyone who visits our blog. I also know which internet browser (including version) you're using and what your screen resolution is. Ooooooh. In theory, this info would help me design a website that looked great on the screens of your most frequent visitors. I just find it fascinating... wow... lots of Firefox users... who's still using Internet Explorer 4?... Safari? Ah, yes, you Mac user, you...

Of course Illinois is well represented! At least the 10 mile radius around our family... I try to tell people at church about our day and the standard answer is "Oh, yes, I read that on your blog." That lone dot on the furthest north tip of the Upper Peninsula of MI is my parents. I can only assume that nobody actually LIVES in the western half of the U.S. ... Except... Big shout out to Karin in OR, who used to be the only dot on the West Coast.

All Time Low

Today started well enough, but we were off our routine, as Lee was going in to work late to be able to work after school hours. Things rapidly deteriorated with H. He was being incredibly defiant... haven't seen THAT so much. I won't go into detail, but the "event" ended with me calling Lee and sobbing (an ugly sob, hiccups and incoherent speech included). I ended up raking outside waiting for Lee to come back home, too angry to really care what was going on in the house.

As soon as Lee came home, I got an apology from H. (Half-hearted, but I tried to pretend forgiveness for now, knowing that the forgiveness feeling WOULD come later.) Lee took H out for a drive (a modern day equivalent to a "trip to the woodshed"?), and they picked up lunch for Yordi and I.

I was exhausted by the drama, and Lee still had to go back to work, and I had 17 meals prepared for the food co-op at church tonight. I can only credit God with the energy to accomplish anything after Lee left for work (again) around 2.

I took the kids to the food exchange. Y opted to play in the nursery with the other kids, but H wanted to "help". I was kind of looking forward to NOT being around him for a little bit, but resigned myself to motherhood. (Lord have mercy, do I need a break.) He was VERY helpful, and liked being given jobs. He became my runner, and I sent him to collect all the food with my name on it, and to help other people carry their food.

I think we're back on track for now. I'm annoyed with myself for my anger, which flared like white lightning... where did THAT come from? Must have been in there, being activated by defiance, and knowing that I can't actually MAKE H do anything. He's too big for me to drag him to time out (which is where the conflagration started) and now, he knows it. That's what scares me the most. He is usually a very sweet kid, but he spiraled out of control quickly and I couldn't break the cycle... probably because I was so stinkin' angry. Huh... sound familiar? Yes, Lee used to have the same issue with H. So now we learn from each other, accept that we're not perfect, and hope tomorrow is better.

Triumphant Fall

I'm glad Chris has had the stamina to post, because although "How will the kids react to snow?" is the question of the year, those of you who have been following along have seen that they have really taken Fall in stride. From falling leaves (no, the trees aren't dying just sleeping) to football games (Blue and Orange GOODGUYS, holding facemask BAD) to the shortening of days (Bed time, no???) they've dealt with a midwestern fall fabulously. Apple picking, Corn mazes, cold monkey bars, Sunday School, tree climbing, choosing Halloween costumes... they've gotten a pretty good taste of Americana this season.

Living the American dream, however, has been taking it's toll on me. Carpooling an hour earlier than I'm used to, coming home and taking the "Evening Programming" shift with the children while trying to figure out where I can squeeze another $20 out of my paycheck, then having just enough energy to watch Heroes with one eye open before crashing. Lather, rinse, repeat. My single income friends with children have told me, "Congratulations, you're really one of us now." I guess this is the club I signed up for but I didn't know the membership dues would be so high. ;-)

Prayers

Recently the children have wanted to offer their own prayers at bedtime when we pray together. Here are some of their prayers:

Thank you God, family together.

Thank you God, park playing.

Thank you God, food sharing and games sharing. (Today at Jim and Nikki's we had BBQ chicken and played Wii.)

Thank you God, good friends.

Thank you God, good day.

Thank you God, bike riding. (We visit friends once a week who live on a farm, and the kids ride bikes there.)

Thank you God, sunshine.

Thank you God, Grandma and Grandpa.

Thank you God, house and Daddy working.

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It is so sweet to hear them pray. I tell them every night that God is SO happy when they talk to Him.

Pumpkins!

It's a pretty squishy task!


















































Me, sorting seeds out to roast. I baked them at 350 deg. in a greased pan for about 20 minutes, sprinkling them with salt and cinnamon, stirring every 5 minutes. Habtamu and I couldn't stop eating them. Yordanos was yelling at us "Let's go! Park now! No more eat!" We ignored her and kept eating. :)

























The finished products: (The kids lost interest after scraping out the insides, so I just cut lame designs...)

Thanks!

Thanks Uncle Bob and Aunt Helen, for the bowls. The children of course fought about which was cooler, but in the end kept the ones you had chosen for them! They may be unclear on what to DO with them.

Daily Giggle...

These kids make me laugh every day!

Shunning the Camera

Habtamu has been shunning the camera lately, and I get lots of pics like this:

















And this:
















So, I have to be sneaky and catch his great smile on the sly...